BALTISK CITY, DRCC – The Democratic Republic of Cinnamon Creek has been plunged into chaos this week, as a contingent of rebels led by the hawkish former Minister for Health and Transport, Henry Chester, stormed the former capitol square in the Utah provinces of the DRCC, as well as capturing a military base, forcing the DRCC military into full retreat.
Henry Chester, the former candidate for DRCC General Secretary who was running at 0% in the polls, has issued a letter to the General Secretary, imploring him to give up his control of the country and cede territory to the new militia led by Mr. Chester. The Bureaucratic Supreme – currently made up of honorary citizens, with numerous DRCC chatrooms and accounts hacked into and compromised – is currently debating their response.
Official figures suggest a 75% population loss.
The Baltisk Journal, the official state news agency, suggests that military intervention is most certainly on the cards, though with a huge swathe of territory under Chester’s control, this measure may be too little too late.
However, a number of discrepancies in the narrative suggest that the Journal’s implications that there has been a significant rebellion may not necessarily be the whole truth.
First of all, for Mr. Chester to have seized as much territory as the Journal implies – suggesting that “by the end of the week” the DRCC will be dissolved from having lost such a significant amount of territory to Chester’s army – he would need at least some form of popular support; otherwise, obtaining a) a significant military and b) a significant amount of influence in the not inconsiderable amount of territory he has apparently taken would be impossible. However, while he was still running for General Secretary, he had the lowest poll ratings of any candidate (and, more to the point, the lowest possible poll ratings he could get, period): 0%. Such a fundamental failure to win over the hearts and minds of the DRCC’s people would logically display itself in his inability to win over members of the populace to his cause, and yet he has already forced government security forces into full retreat. This would arguably be self-contradictory.
Secondly, the letter sent to Dallin Langford by Mr. Chester raises a number of interesting questions, namely regarding a) that the writing style is so oddly similar to that of the General Secretary himself, b) that no other members of the rebellion are ever named, c) that it references “Kit McCarthy”, the “UT”, and “Jackson/Horatio Eden” hating the General Secretary, along with a number of high ranking members of the community, despite numerous instances of both McCarthy and Eden offering the General Secretary their assistance, especially in the UT v Langford case and d) mentioning that the aforementioned “Kit McCarthy” is probably in on the rebel maneuver, despite honorary citizens being locked out of involvement in national politics due to their honorary status.
Is the rebellion illusory or of any actual substance? At this stage, it is impossible to say. Langford’s poor track record for honesty with regards to his micronation (c.f. the Kid United Republic) would seem to indicate the former, though without any actual eyes in the DRCC, it is entirely beyond our knowledge.