Micronational hacking mastermind unmasked as Kryemmmerian Government

KRYEMMMERIA (DM) – The micronational mastermind hacking syndicate, known only by their group name “The Dreamlight Hackerz”, struck fear into the hearts of the MicroWiki administration with a threat that left no community member unclear on the terrible havoc that was to be wreaked by this diabolical junta.

“This fourm [sic.] was randomly selected as having the most traffic,” the group’s mysterious leadership intoned before launching into an impassioned tirade. “A member of ours uses this fourm [sic.] and as you have gotten on his nerves or angered him you have been selected to be hacked. If the member does not call off the attack we will ddos this fourm [sic.] at 24:00:00 29 May 2016 we suggest you say sorry to every member or your wiki and this miserable fourm [sic.] will be another website left in pleading to us [grammatical sic.] like dogs.”

The community was, unsurprisingly, terrified by this decisive action. Their later assertion that “we do not play we take things seriously” and the threat of releasing their locations to the everpresent “deep web” naturally struck fear into the hearts of everyone in the vicinity. With a trembling voice, Brendan O’Brien, the Governor-General of the Confederation of Renfrew, remarked “Really? That’s lame.”

This sentiment was shared by all, with Beacon City Prince James I stating”what exactly is it we’re meant to be apologising for? I like my trolling to have a fleshed out premise.”

No premise was ever given. Not long after the threat was released, the group magnanimously announced that they had called off the attack, and instructed the community to be thankful the member calling for the DDoS had a “heart”, as they put it. “we got bamboozled”, came the glad response from Prince James.

As the universal sigh of relief went out across the MicroWiki sphere, however, the question remained on everyone’s lips: who WERE The Dreamlight Hackerz?

The mystery was only solved when master criminal investigator Luxor put the pieces together: the IP of the group matched that belonging to the Kryemmmerian government!

Calls of “Ban hammer!” and “Drink some Leninade!” went up in response within the Ragged Flagon, and it is understood that the Kryemmmerian government will likely be banned as a result of their poor behaviour.

It is the Daily Micronational’s civic duty to remind all citizens that insubordination against the glorious leader Emperor Jonathan will not be tolerated.



Horatio Eden is Editor-in-chief of the Daily Micronational and Lord Executor of Valdsland. Mostly known for running a Minecraft let's play channel with two subs, which is the only organization he allows to advertise on the site.

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